Some context from Ari:
Loan was my teacher during the very short time I spent in China at 5 immortals temple. She is a very skilled and practiced soul, humble. Her instructions have been incredibly instrumental in supporting my own practice. I would place her at mid-late to late first stage spiritual.
Share your bio here. Include anything about your life journey that you think would be helpful for us in learning about your soul.
I am french-vietnamsese woman born from a french mother and a chinese-vietnamese father. My mother grew up on the street and my father arrived in France as a refugee in childhood, they both carry developmental traumas. I have an older brother who is diagnosed as Asperger autism. I was an un-identified high potential child, and started reading at 3. I red one book per day most of my childhood, as school was too slow yet chaotic for my sensitivity. My father was often depressed and violent and when i was a teen we had intense conflicts. I left home and everything behind at 16. Lived a very alternative lifestyle in occupied houses for 3 years, and hitchiked across Europe. At 19 i volunteered as an international solidarity and women rights activist in Palestine. I worked in the West Bank and the Gaza strip for 9 months until burn-out. I returned to Viet Nam for the first time at 21. Went back to study at 23 to become an international solidarity project coordinator. Specialized on human trafficking and sex work industry and worked as an intern and coordinator in France and India for over 6 years, until burn-out had me leave the field. At 22 i started exploring eastern spirituality traditions, practiced Vipassana meditation and yoga. Met vietnamese zen master Thich Nhat Hanh at 23, that gave me back a root and a spiritual coherence, and from there spiritual practice became a priority. Alternated between work contract and months-long retreats in Vietnamese zen ermitages, vipassana centers and ashrams. Over those years, i got closely associated with a vietnamese buddhist monk, and a hindu swami, both teachers, friends, and associates in teaching and practice until they both fell in love with me, which led to major fall-out in the relationships with me having to re-orient my path (this really felt like a repetitive scenario until my late 30's and my marriage). Started training an apprenticeship in Daoism under my current teacher in China in 2010, and became his full-time assistant and translator in 2015 until Covid cut me off China in early 2020. The last couple years of my apprenticeship were challenging because of difficult collective dynamics around my teacher with other students, and because he himself had to overcome feelings for me. I started teaching Daoist retreats and seminars internationally in 2019, and have been growing since. I gave birth to a daughter in 2021 and married her father in 2023. Today our home base is in Viet Nam, where we live 6 to 8 months a year, while the rest of the year we tour together on Daoist retreats and seminars in France, Italy, Switzerland and Canada.
hi all,
I'm going to email Loan with some of the insights we came to in class as well as the questions we had for her. Here are the three questions she had for us. I'll share more thoughts later - but would like to invite anyone here to chime in here with your insights.
The first is related to her relationship to working with others and ultimately doing her work alone.
The false brother/sister : I have had various fall-outs with people that had been trained with me through the years, or that i worked with in my previous career, or even in school : jealousy, competition, comparison, betrayal, let-down. I have also had many disappointment while engaging with other established teachers in my field : i was accused of being an imposteur, or i would be invited to teach entire seminars for insignificant payment, or i would be denied entry within practice circles because i knew too much about the practice and might threaten the other teachers. Over the years, i have mostly stopped trying to make alliances or collaborations and i work mostly alone - which is very satisfying in many ways. Yet the occurrence is remarkable, and it has led me to doubt myself and people often
The second is the issue of burnout, depression and self-doubt in her work.
i still often doubt myself and my path, and every so often wakes up with the feeling that i need to quit it all and start over, or that i am unable to actualize the practice and teaching because i am too busy or not disciplined enough, and that i am wasting the precious opportunity of having this life. It feels cyclical, and maybe it is just a part of life or mind, or a specific way i am put to be refined through trials.
The third relates to her parents which feels like her strongest and most direct question of all of them
Also, my mother and maybe my father are coming to visit us in Viet Nam. I haven't seen my father since 2018 - he refused to meet my husband and daughter until now as he has been in a severe post-traumatic depression, holding much resentment since my teenage years. I am both hoping for resolution of our relationship before their death, and feeling anxious because i know his mental state can be very border-line and explosive, and i also know my mother is an expert at fawning and will not have clear boundaries . If i had only one question, that would be about my parents and if i can hope for any resolutions in our relationship or if it is bound to be conflictual and separated. And in which ways that is exactly the material i have been assigned to for a growth i don't yet comprehend.
One question I have for her is what she considers herself to be a teacher of. A specific lineage, or does she define it in another way? I just emailed that to her, and will share it when I hear back.